84 – The Running Shoo Xmas Special

The Running Shoo Xmas Special

(with apologies to poetry fans everywhere)

Twas the night before last and all through the igloo

Not a creature was stirring not even young Shoo

Little Nom was asleep and hideously snoring

While outside daggers of ice were still pouring

When out in the snow there arose such a clatter

And into the room burst a confusion of matter

No jolly old elf with a belly like custard

Evolution in this case had not cut the mustard

She had arms, legs and faces and the occasional head

But not all at once, she should have been dead

She came from a universe different entirely

Where the rules were quite strange and the physics unlikely

She took Nom and Shoo to a chamber below

Full of people froze solid and a sinister glow

Putting them down, she gently awoke them

With a series of vicious bioelectrical / telekinetic pokes applied directly to the brain-stem

“AARGH!” they cried, understandably bothered

And repeated the cry when they saw who hovered

over their heads, bobbing and grinning

from a mouth in her hand. It set their heads spinning.

“I mean you no harm,” said the floating mess

That now resembled three girls in one dress

“There’s just something of yours that calls out to me”

(The mouth that said this had now moved to her knee)

Body-horror aside, she seemed quite benign

For a churning, brain-melting, Ms Frankenstein

She was also in size endearingly small

No greater in height than your average football

Shoo looked around and saw the folks frozen

People icy and still, yet whole and unbroken

Close by was a bloke in mushroomy clothes

Plus, an antlered knight, not totally froze

“Holy crap, it’s the bridgemen from eps six through eleven”

Might be uttered by me, or said by you even

But our hero Shoo, who rarely does meta,

thought for a sec and said something better

“Oh, my days! Hern! Shouldn’t you be guarding the bridge?

Instead of a popsicle in this this weird girl’s fridge?”

“Fauna is everywhere,” (said Hern.) “So, I’m there still.”

“And also in this Realm, where I’ve caught a chill”

“I’m Wynter,” shrugged frankengirl. “I do Winter stuff”.

“I spread Winter joy, for me it’s enough.”

“All things that are Winter I claim for my own.”

“But Winter where I’m from is not what you’ve known”

“While things there freeze solid and sparkle and shine

They stay hale and hearty until it’s their time

To grace once again the world with their song

But here? Winter kills. It’s twisted! It’s wrong!”

Said Hern: “I’ve tried to explain to this alien twit

Winter’s ‘death’ is just brief, but she ain’t having it.

So, flora and fauna and everything else

She’s locked up down here for the good of their health.”

This floating flesh blob from a neighbouring universe

Turned to our Shoo and pointed at her belly-purse

“There’s a reason of everyone I picked on you, Shoo.”

“There’s a favour for me that I want you to do.”

“That Thing in your pouch, it reminds me of home

Where my alien Maker lets me frolic and roam.

Please may I see it? Just for a second!

Since you entered this realm, to me it has beckoned.”

Shoo pondered and thought, she mulled and she mused

Was this just some alien nature-god ruse?

But then Shoo noticed that forgotten, wee Nom

Was creeping up on Wynter like a wormy time bomb.

“Okay, I’ll let you, but… just float a bit back.

While I get the Thing from my belly pack.”

And Wynter, quite trusting, was quick to obey

and bobbed close to Nom for whom she was prey.

The tiny worm girl opened her maw

Then opened it further, it stretched more and more

And with a fabulous, horrible, fearsome crunch

The alien Winter became early lunch

“She tasted weird,” said Nom with a slurp.

And followed this up with a voluminous burp

It made Shoo uncomfortable, seeing Nom eat her

But better that, she figured, than hypothermia.

“Well, bugger me sideways,” said Hern from the ice

“Your peckish compadre has saved the day nice

From here we’ll thaw out, we’ll be free in a bit

The Seasons are back, this realm will be lit!

“But we do have a problem: with things anthropomorphic

The human brain reacts in a style catastrophic

when exposed to too much. And today’s been a doozie

Your little brain, Shoo, will boil like a jacuzzi!”

“Reality’s been strange, and it gives me the fear

That you’ll go insane, so… yes, I’ll give you amnesia.

You’ll wake up tomorrow all rested and strong.

And this brain-risking crap will simply be gone.”

——

“Don’t you dare! This is nothing!” said shoo in a sulk

“I’ve seen worse things than this in bulk.”

“Tough titties,” said Hern. “I ain’t gonna risk it.”

“Or you’ll end up with the IQ of a biscuit.”

“So, forgive me, Shoo, you’re having a nap!”

And Hern brought his hands together in a clap.

For young Shoo and Nom, out went the lights.

“Happy Trails,” said Hern. “And to all a good night!”

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